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You somehow wind up in a strange jungle, filled with prehistoric beasts, giant insects, and creatures you didn't even know existed....and probably still don't, at least not where you come from. Wherever you are, you need to find a way out, or at least someone who can give you some shelter.

 Thankfully, you see a towering castle up ahead, with a large stone pyramid sitting at the entrance. You decide to knock on the door and see if anyone's inside. You're not sure if that's a good idea, but you are sure that there isn't any other residence for at least a few-hundred kilometers, so you don't have much of a choice.

 After a couple of minutes, you're greeted by this....gentleman.
The second you see his visage, your eyes widen with a combination of fear and morbid curiosity. You do everything in your power to hold back letting out a shriek, partly because, for some reason, you don't want to be rude.....but mostly because you don't him to lunge out in reaction, and do God knows what.

 After all that....he speaks.

 "WELLLLCOME!" he says, in a voice that you swear is a dead-on, though very raspy, impression of Peter Lorre. "I'M NOT SSSSSSURE HOW YOU GOT HERE, BUT MY MASTER IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP YOU WITH WHATEVER YOU NEED." You then ask him "Who are you? And....uh, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?"

 "AH! FORGIVE ME. MY NAME IS TRUMAN VON DONTID! I'M ONE OF THE MASSSSSSTER'S MANY SERVANTS." he replied. "BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT I AM IN THE SENSE OFFFFFFF.....MY SPECIES."

 "Uh....yeah, actually." you said. "WELL, YOU EVER READ ABOUT EVOLUTION IN SCHOOL? I'M BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A DIIIIIIIIIIIIIINOSAUR OF MY KIND AVOIDS THOSE PESSSSSKY METEORS AND GOES ON THE PATH TO SENTIENCE." he explains. "....WELL, THEORETICALLY SPEAKING, ANYHOW."

 "AND YOU?" he asks. "Um.....I'll be honest, I'm not....one-hundred percent comfortable telling anyone here who I am right now." you politely, albeit anxiously, respond. "AH, NO PROBLEM! MY MASSSSSSTER CAN BE A BIT SHY HIMSELF. COME ON IN AND I'LL IIIIIIINTRODUUUUUUUCE HIM TO YOU". He then makes a loud hissing noise, with some kind of weird, unnameable fluid dripping from his mouth. You aren't sure why, and frankly you're pretty sure you don't want to know.

As you enter the foreboding acropolis, you witness a cavernous, rather ominous looking foyer. At the center is the skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus rex, some of the walls are covered in vines and strange flora, and you could swear you just saw a huge spider the size of a bloodhound scuttering across the floor. You have a feeling whoever owns this place is not too kind to their guests.

 This might have been a bad idea.

Truman takes you to an elevator. It's pretty clear it's about as old as those T. rex bones are; it subtly, though noticeably, makes creaking sounds as it descends. Otherwise, it works just as well as any modern elevator. The elevator has glass windows, and going downwards shows little else but stone walls and some fossils. After a couple of minutes, however, you finally reach your destination.


In front of you is an old door, surrounded by moss and limestone. Truman walks up to it and says "PLEAAAAAAASSSSSE, COME IIIIIIIN."

 You slowly creep up to the entrance way. The closer you get, the more anxious you become. You can hear all kinds of horrible sounds emitting from behind the doorway. The air around the corridor is flooded with beastly roars, ghostly screams, and Hellish moaning. It starts off fairly soft, but gets louder and louder the closer you get. You sweat, almost going into a panic, the only thing keeping you going is that this place is your only shelter for miles.

 Regardless....you now know this was a bad idea.

 Truman gradually opens the door, it makes a distressing creaking noise. Truman invites you inside, with a large smile on his face, exposing his razor-sharp fangs.

 You now see what lies ahead.

It's....a collection of monsters. A huge, cavernous zoo dedicated to housing some of the most vicious, frightening, and downright hideous beasts you ever saw. The twisted museum seems to stretch for an eternity, each creature you walk past is more terrifying than the last. Ghosts, zombies, aliens, things you aren't even sure how to classify, all line up the underground halls gazing at you with eyes fiery with rage, predatory instincts, sadistic thoughts, or some sickening combination of the three.

Then, you stop at a blackened silhouette, their true appearance obscured by the shadows of the dimly lit hallway. Even without knowing what they look like, they give you a vibration far more menacing than anything you have seen so far, which is saying a lot. They aren't caged at all, out in the open freely moving about as they see fit.

All of a sudden, something in your mind snaps. You finally realize who it is.

It's the master.

They slowly turn around to see you.







You then hear the click of a light switch.


....oh.

"Oh, hi! Sorry about the lighting, I like a bit of that spooky atmosphere in my menagerie. I know not a lot of people care for it though." the master said. "So....um, my name is Christopher, but you can call me Chris. I actually prefer Chris, if I'm being honest. This is my pet spider, Cupcake. I have a lot of pets, if you don't count my collection of monsters here! Ha ha."

Well, he's.....a lot less threatening than you were expecting. I guess this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"So....where am I exactly?" you ask. "You're in my own little slice of my heaven, stranger!" Chris answers, with a big goofy grin on his face. "There's actually a lot of weird shit that would take too long to explain, but basically, you're in an alternate dimension that I hang out in every now and then. I built this castle out of my own imagination! My pride and joy being this menagerie you're in right now."

"I go to other dimensions to collect monsters and stuff them in here. It's my hobby. It's...a weird hobby, I'll admit, but I have fun with it. I've always loved monsters, and the idea of keeping them in a personal zoo is a super cool one....at least, I think it is."

"Anyhow, I'm not sure how you got here, but I'll be happy to send you home. My interdimensional transporter is getting a few kinks worked out after that incident with the Xenomorph and that damn fairy."

"....the what now?" you ask. "What kind of---" "Long story." he interrupts. "Until then, how about I show you around? I love talking to people about all these weird creatures."

Well, you're gonna be here a bit of a while, so you say to yourself "Eh, why not?" 

After all, there's worse ways to spend your afternoon in a giant, prehistoric, haunted jungle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, you've either read a ton of unnecessary lore, or you skipped over it to see what's actually up with this blog. So, here you go!

In the past couple of years, I've been a regular reader of Bogleech's monster reviews, and I've always loved the idea of reviewing monster designs, or even just monster concepts. It's something I've never really seen before, at least not to the extent Bogleech has done.

Ever since I was a kid, I've loved monsters. Mostly, I loved dinosaurs, but anything monstrous I was a fan of. Godzilla was basically my childhood idol, I religiously watched my Pokemon VHS tapes, and I've made hundreds of drawings of monsters attacking cities. Pretty much the only thing that's changed is that I draw a lot less, and I don't really watch the Pokemon anime, and....

....okay, a lot has changed, but you know what I mean. I still love monsters. Hell, over the years, my love for creepy creatures has only grown. I love pretty much anything spooky, beastly, or nasty. Aliens, ghosts, kaiju, prehistoric animals, you name it.

Which brings us to today.

I want to do my own monster reviews, and my own blog posts relating to all things horror, paleontology, and monster-related. I think this could turn out to be a fun hobby of mine!

I'll be honest, I actually suffer from depression, so having the energy to run a blog is a tad difficult. Don't be surprised if you don't see a whooooole lot of activity from this site. I'm not even 100% sure if this blog will be updated very often. However, I do have a lot of fun working on stuff like this, so I'll definitely do what I can.

So, with all that out of the way, let's see how this will turn out.

Let's look at some god damn monsters.

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